There are many reasons why people enter into affairs or cheat, yet one core issue that can easily be addressed is Self-Abandonment. When one of you is constantly getting caught up in other people’s dramas, lost in social media for hours or channeling their energy into work or the kids, it can create feelings of being avoided, lack of self worth, heartbreak, helplessness, rejection or hurt.
1) Emotional Disconnection is the No1 reason why we start to look outside the relationship. Why? Because when we start to become disconnected from our partner, we start to make them accountable for our wellbeing. The partner who is feeling abandoned will try to get his/her power back via manipulation or control. This will then start to create further problems such as withdrawing sexually, not communicating their insecurities, being unable to tune into the other persons needs or constantly being in their heads to avoid these deep painful feelings.
An example of this may be one partner is away a lot for work. The other person may experience deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. They may be overwhelmed with the responsibilities of raising children and feel their partner isn’t honoring their needs. They may start to flirt with people on social media; which will fill the void of emptiness or just being told they are still desirable and sexy.
2) Entrapment and lack of Freedom is another common demonitor. Quite often we start to lose a sense of self, we don’t like to feel fused with the other person and we wish to discover who we really are in the Now! We are often dictated by other people’s beliefs of who we are; yet over time we have changed a great deal, especially after being in a long term relationship. We may desire for an example, to experiment sexually and discover new levels of intimacy. If the other person is not willing to comply, then we may shut our hearts and suppress our inner truths. Over time, this can create inner resentment and anger as our needs are not being fulfilled and are in fact being denied!
3) No longer being physically attracted to our partner. As shallow as this may sound, for many people they may require their partner to be fit, healthy and take care of themselves. If they have put on large amounts of weight and they no longer sexually desire them, they will seek outside the relationship to have their needs met. The relationship can also over time, feel you are with your brother/sister or their is no chemistry whatsoever.
As our sexual center is our life force, it is very important we engage in some form of release. If this becomes suppressed, it can literally cut off our flow and become stagnant. Some of these issues you may be feeling are; frustration,becoming short tempered, angry or having lack of abundance.
It is vital to communicate & honour our feelings, no matter how painful it may to our partner. If we are not being heard, validated or constantly being pushed away, it’s only a matter of time we turn to another to give us the love and attention we crave.
Cheating is usually the last resort and is usually when we have been feeling dissatisfied for a long time.
Be brave and have that chat to your partner and see where you go from there, you owe it to yourself and them to be honest